Wherein There Are Many Puns
by x-Alt.Ego-x
Summary: Perhaps they aren't always the best puns, but neither of them care. When random sex gives way to a torrent of puns, may Gog have mercy on your soul. Nepeta/Feferi


"Mm, yeah. Just like that, Nepeta... Oh..."

A sensual moan drifted from Feferi's private room in the laboratory. The two girls had just been wandering around the halls of the lab when they ran across each other. They had talked about stuff like those silly humans and quadrants and those little red tendril-flaily-thingies on the package receivage boxes for a while before IT JUST DISSOLVED INTO PROCREATIONAL ACTIVITIES OF THE NON-PROCREATIONAL, TOTALLY-RECREATIONAL, AND BUCKET-LESS VARIETY.

Because being trapped in a cold, gray laboratory with no sleep for several days for fear of an INFORMED HORROR BEYOND WHAT THE SANE MIND SHOULD HAVE TO BARE would leave any troll in need of some outlet.

"Oh, Nepeta, keep going, ke- Oh!" Feferi cried out as Nepeta's tongue wriggled into her nook, the girl leaning against the wall with her legs spread as Nepeta applied herself to her work. Glancing up at Feferi's face, Nepeta smiled as she watched the sea-dweller's fins twitch in response to the sensations her body was feeling. "You like the way your pussy feels when I do that?" she said, pulling herself up to Feferi and embracing the beautiful troll.

A look of confusion covered Feferi's face as she pulled back from Nepeta's attempt to engage in what probably would have been a very sloppy make-out.

"My what?"

Nepeta grinned as she replied, "Your pussy! I was talking to one of the humans before and they said that's what they call a human's nook, and that it's what they call a cat, too!" Feferi nodded in understanding. Those humans were so silly sometimes, so it wasn't really all that odd that they'd have weird terms like that. Pressing her body closer to Nepeta's bare skin, the abdicated empress-to-be kissed Nepeta quickly, before giggling. "So it was another one of your puns?"

"Yes! A purrfectly good one, too!" said Nepeta, grinning at her second pun. "Yeah, it was a reel nice one!" commented Feferi, still glubbing a little on the inside at all the puns. After a moment of the two just holding each other with grins on their faces as they stared into each other's eyes in a cliched sort of way Karkat would immediately recognize from uncountable romcoms, Nepeta suddenly blinked as a look of understanding dawned on her face.

"Wait, that was a fishing pun, right? You're doing it too!" Feferi just giggled again as she put a kiss on the cat girl's cheek. "You're so cute sometimes, you know that, right Nepeta? You make a troll feel like cuttling you to death!" Nepeta tilted her head slightly as she raised a brow. 'I think she's trying to out-pun me!'

Running a hand down Feferi's side, Nepeta traces her finger lightly across her thigh, tickling a slight gasp out of the fish girl. "It's claws there's so much competition! I can't help it when you're being pawsitively adorable!" she replied, smirking at Feferi. "O-oh... Water you talking about? There's no way I'm as cute as you are! Oar the cutest troll I know, which I guess makes you the cutest troll there is!"

Purring quietly as Feferi's hands suddenly groped at her chest, Nepeta quickly tried to think up another pun. "Cat's ridiculous!" she exclaimed, determined to win this war. The two girls' hands roamed across each other, both of them holding back their gasps as they continually tried to keep the stream of puns running. "No, really! I just fish I could be as adorable as you!"

Nepeta gritted her teeth a little. Whether it was from the feeling of Feferi's fingers on her nook or the difficulty she was having with getting her next pun, it was hard to tell. "Y-you mean that? I, um-" Nepeta let out a gasp as she felt Feferi's fingers slip inside her, her mind barely being able to simultaneously keep up with the intense punning and the totally-recreation non-procreational activity. "I, um, meowst disagree!" she shouted suddenly as the pun came forth without warning.

Feferi suddenly cracked up, pulling her hands away from Nepeta's body to catch herself before she fell backwards. "Really? 'I meowst disagree'? That's so bad, Nepeta! Even by our standards!" Laughing heartily, Feferi tried to catch a moment to continue. "And that doesn't even sound like something you'd say!"

Nepeta's face flushed a light green as she realized how terribly lame that pun was, before she suddenly began snickering as well. "Okay, so purrhaps you're right, but your puns are pretty bad too sometimes!" Feferi wiped a mirthful tear from her eye as she recovered from the sudden and unexpected burst of laughter. "Oh yeah? Maybe, but I don't think they're that bad!" she said, skin flushed a shade of purple from her laughter.

Nepeta shook her head, snickering again at the next pun that came to mind. "No, it's true! I'm sorry, but I squid you not!"

Another round of laughter bursting out of the room, Sollux shook his head as he walked past the door on the way to his own room. "Crazy girls..." Later that day, he would notice that Nepeta and Feferi seemed to be enjoying each other's presence quite a bit when everyone had gathered back into the main room.

He smirked as he watched Karkat begin hitting his head against the desk his computer was on after the thirty-seventh pun in the last five minutes. "What's the matter, Karkat?"

"What's the matter? What do you fucking think's the matter? Our latest flushed couple over there won't fucking stop with the god damned puns, that's what's the fucking matter! That word-play alone is stupid enough to give me a fucking aneurysm, but they won't stop laughing at their own stupid jokes either!"

Chuckling at his friend as he slammed his head against the desk again at another pun, Sollux grinned. "So you mean to say you don't find them to be very punny?"

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So this is the first Homestuck fic I've wrote, and it's based on a prompt for "the most hilarious/bizarre/totally unironic dirty talking in paradox space". I think this fits the bill pretty well. I hadn't planned on it, but the fic pretty much immediately ended up with the lovers being Feferi and Nepeta because of the pun-potential. Well, that's a good thing, I'd say. Obscure crack pairings are a great find when you happen to ship them.

So, yeah. Read and review, kthnx?


End file.
